Wednesday, June 28, 2006
recently
i've woken up
to the fact that i'm doing crap with my life
i mean
let's face it
i've lost it
crestfallen and defeated
over things which i cannot control
yes it hurts like hell
but i guess i need to be strong
i'm sure a lot of people are very disappointed with me
sad to see me degenerate into a shadow of what i used to be
deceiving myself that everything is alright when they are not
especially so for the tkd people
i apologise
i'm sorry i've been a sorry-excuse-for-a-captain
always on the sideline when i'm suppose to be upfront doing battle
i can see the skepticism from many people
and probably a little disgust as well
i don't blame them
i can only reflect on my actions...
trying hard to change
i can only ask for a chance
well
as for relationship
this thing is beyond my comprehension
all i can say is i really love this gal
i care alot about what she thinks about me
i remember the happy times we had on group outings
but her attitude towards me has changed drastically
this greatly saddens me
been trying hard to get to know her better
ending up in dead ends most of the time
or worse agitating her only more
but...
i'm always here for her if she ever needs me
i'm consoled by the fact that she is vividly in my life however little
though i might not be in her thoughts
i think of her but not compulsively
i harbour no ill intentions
i know love cannot be forced
it's a 2 way thing
honestly
i'm not trying to hold on to false hope
but i believe that there is a misunderstanding
or other factors that are unknown to me
and it's because i truly value her that i persist
not because of an inflated ego at work
of course i hope for a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow
but if fate does not swing in my favour *crossed fingers*
sadly there is nothing i can do
however heart wrenching it might prove to be
i can only let go with a smile i suppose
^_^
as for school life
i think i'm slacking big time
procrastinating
leaving everything to the 11th hour
hugging buddha's leg way too often
treating my education like child's play
i gonna be burnt by fire if i keep playing
so...
a radical approach needs to be taken
ok maybe it's radical to me
trust me it's not easy
i need to start putting in effort in my studies
no more cheating myself
no more lying to myself that i know my stuff
when half the time i'm bluffing my way through
hey
i'm not competing with anyone for top honours
i'm just fighting the monster within myself
must eliminate this f**k care bad ass attitude
it's gonna get me nowhere
definitely nowhere near the university
recently
i've been telling myself
every morning when i wake up
i need to change
to morph
to transform
push myself
bite the bullet
chiong
everyday
i try to kill a little of the devil
1 step at a time
slowly and steadily
i will get there
and laugh the loudest
From The Ashes Of Defeat Shall Rise A New Winner
so he said @
11:59 PM
