Sunday, February 28, 2010
Sorrow
these few days have been spend on trips to the hospital
grandma has been admitted
and this time her condition looks gloomy
seeing her lying there
breathing with the aid of an oxygen mask
unable to move or speak
limbs swollen because of water retention
I am utterly saddened
and feeling helpless
to be very frank
there is nothing much we can do
other than make her feel as comfortable as possible
smack in the middle of my prelims
totally moodless to go for papers
my grandma is definitely more important
I know this sounds terrible
hard to accept
but the reality is
they can't operate on her because of her weak heart and old age
doctor has asked us to prepare for the worst
she might not make it pass the weekend
and if she pulls through
she has about 2-3 months
due to the cancerous cyst in her stomach
just now
while driving my aunt to the temple to pray
she was talking to a hk relative on the phone
and as she spoke about my grandma's condition
she started crying
my eyes welled up with tears
and I cried too
I can so feel her sorrow
suddenly, she is going to lose her mum that she has stayed with for her whole life
she was talking about how she wanted my grandma to go home
even if she has 2 months left
so she could see the new fridge she had just bought
but that if my grandma felt that she was suffering, she can 'go off' with no worries
but if she can fight and hang on my aunt will bring her home to see the fridge
and live off her remaining days
hearing all that just utterly broke my heart
till now
I'm still awake
worried of what I might face when I go to the hospital later in the day
the gloom of impending doom
life and death matters have never been very easy things to deal with
some things are just beyond our control
I just pray that grandma pulls through this round
whatever comes later is another issue
1 hurdle after another
I need a shoulder to lean on
I need someone to talk to
if only 'you' will call
=(
so he said @
5:21 AM
